The Love Lie
Dear my future daughter,
I was always a bit of a hopeless romantic. It’s something in the Disney Princess movie Kool-Aid that makes a girl think that happiness stems from falling in love. That concluding “happily ever after” gets you - as if once love finally falls into place, everything that follows is just, well, happy. Because of this mindset, I would chase boys. In fact, it was in kindergarten that my friends and I would start chasing boys around the playground, sometimes even going so far as attempting to tackle and kiss them. (Let me tell you – not effective.)
Love was the end goal, and I daydreamed hard over any boy I had even an ounce of a crush on. In high school, as a competitive person at heart, I tended to like the guys that other girls liked (even if those guys were really not what I was looking for). High school seems to be a difficult time exploring relationships for most people, especially for girls. It’s hard navigating the desire to be wanted, while also guarding your heart. It’s difficult to be “nice” but still hold yourself to a standard that may require you to turn down your crush if he’s not respectfully pursuing you.
If there’s one thing that took me pretty much a solid 23 years of life to learn, it’s that the love of a human will never solidify happiness for you. “Winning” a boy’s attention, getting that engagement ring, marrying a total hottie – we see these things as “goals” but don’t really realize that we were born equipped with tools to be just as happy in singlehood. Falling in love is beautiful, magical, and yes, incredibly happy. But you need to remember that the same can be for falling in love with yourself.
Loving Cole has been the most incredible blessing, but I can’t expect him to fuel my happiness when I’m having an off day. He’s the leader in our marriage, but it’s unrealistic to think he’s going to be leading me to happiness on a daily basis. Overall, that’s my job, and I can’t do that well without having a foundation of love for myself, and fuel from my love of the Lord.
So, sweet girl, please remember to love yourself first. Strive to love yourself, strive to love God, but never strive to be loved. Find your own happiness.