A Recipe for Mr. Right
Dear my future daughter,
Figuring out the boy you want to date or the man you want to marry can come with a lot of gray areas. Lust, manipulation, emotional roller coasters, and even lukewarm / passively "good" relationships can be detrimentally deceiving. When it comes to dating and marriage, you don't want to settle for anything less than what you'd want for your own daughter. One rule of thumb I would use myself in past relationships is to ask myself "if my son was exactly like him, would I be proud?" In the end, your gut alone will tell you a lot of what you need to know.
Cole and I are in constant prayer about the type of man who you, our sweet girl, will end up with. We also have discussed the key characteristics we think are important to look for when weeding out the prospects. Of course, there's no real science to ensuring you are with the "right" person, but below are a couple of places to start:
When you pray about the relationship and for God to guide you, do you feel like you’re almost pleading with God to assure you it’s the right relationship? If you have the feeling that you’re trying to convince God rather than letting God lead you away from him, there's your answer.
(Cole): The man is a leader and can set an example for you (not a project you want/need to "fix").
Don't be with him just because he makes you happy, but because he makes you better. The right person doesn't cause you to sacrifice your moral values. They also shouldn't be on the sidelines of your faith journey. He should be actively encouraging you and praying for you.
(Cole): He should be someone who you believe is trying to put you ahead of himself. Note: That doesn't mean you are able to be selfish- it goes both ways. You yourself have to be in a place where you're willing and able to put someone before you to make a serious relationship work.
You should never have to question if he'll be faithful to you. If he's being sketchy now, imagine what it might be like 30 years down the road when passion in your marriage has dwindled or you begin to lose your youthful looks. You deserve someone who unwaveringly values you as a partner today.
(Cole): He should be someone you can fully be yourself around and someone you can be comfortable with. You want to spend your life with your best friend.
The right man honors you. He values you and won't make you feel like you need to give yourself up (sexually/ emotionally / spiritually) for his love. The right man sees you as worth waiting for.
(Cole): You shouldn't feel judged by him. The right person will be proud of you and not want to change pieces of you. He also won't judge you by your past.
You should NEVER feel like you to need to convince him to love you. Love is not just an emotion, it is a daily commitment; that commitment can be a difficult one in the trenches of marriage. Overall, the right one pursues you and works to love you with grace beyond measure… sound familiar to someone from the Bible you may have heard of? :)
So, my girl, be strong enough to let go of the relationships that do not feed your soul. Be brave enough to break your own desires (or even heart) to instead wait for a worthy relationship. Ultimately, we pray you can find the “Mr. Right” God chose for you, not the “Mr. Right Now” you cut corners for.